Back to NY

Early-August:

It was so fun spending time with Lu’s crew and Amy’s crew. Everyone loved on the babies, even sweet, old, dumb McKinley. This pic is extra sweet because she had to be put down last week. Emmi loved her. 

#mostpopularkidinachool

I had prepped my girls that they were going to have the babies around for a long time and max and Quinn weren’t, and that we were going to let them take as many turns as they wanted. And the girls were really good about sharing. 

We went out to sleepy hollow and got to see this beauty. 

I didn’t dare get too close because there was a construction fence up, but someday. 



We spent time in the yard with the boys. 

Emmett loved all the dogs and all the trees and free roaming about. 

Meanwhile back in SMC Mart volunteered with Dee and Mike, and the missionaries at the Lawn Mower Races. Matt and mike worked together for Christmas in April and became best buds, so it was cute that they are keeping that friendship Up

And finally, this beautiful boy. I miss them so much, it stinks being so far away!

Today

Delaney and I have a walk to school agreement. Since she’s never been at Duke without sisters, she’s never been able to walk alone. At the beginning of the year she let me know she wanted to walk alone sometimes. We agreed we’d split it 50/50, because I do love walking her. I think it’s shaking out that I walk her to school and she walks home alone. 

This morning she asked to leave a little early and she was so stoked to be the first one in line that she ran across the wet field to beat the kids putting their bikes away. She was so proud of herself!

Today was my big day. My biopsy was at 10:15. We got there and the nurse came to do a covid test. I let her know we’d had covid in august, offered to show her my positive test from the health department, and told her the health department told us not to test again for 90 days because we could very likely test positive again. She asked her supervisor and said we had to do it. I was a little nervous it would be positive and I wouldn’t be able to get the procedure and I really just want to get it over with, but thankfully I tested negative. 

I got another ultrasound and then the Dr. came in. He got me all set up for the procedure and then the pathologists came in. They started on the left side, gave me a numbing shot and while ultrasound’ing, took 3 samples. The pathologists checked immediately and said they had enough specimen, and then we repeated it on the right side. It wasn’t the most fun thing ever, but it wasn’t terrible and it’s done. 💪🏻 I should have results in 5 days. Matt took me and it was nice to have a big hug when I was done. 

Adi’s costume finally arrived. She decided she wanted to be a muse, so this is the best we could find. I ordered her a nude leotard and we’ll get some pantyhose to keep her warm. 

Covid aftermath

Slowly slowly we all kept improving. Then I started to experience random periods of shortness of breath. I’d just be sitting and would all of a sudden feel like I couldn’t take a full breath. When the shortness started becoming more frequent, I made an appt with my dr. It seemed like we should have some sort of post-covid check up anyway, but no one else seemed too worried about it. . 

Anyway, my dr. said that unexplained shortness of breath is a weird post-Covid symptom. Then she noticed a large nodule on my thyroid and recommended I get an ultrasound on it. She also prescribed me an inhaler. 

I figured out that when I can breath through my nose, I do much better and the shortness of breath isn’t nearly as bad. So I tried to do a saline nasal rinse and saltwater throat gargle, and, long story short, I threw up. Like, a lot. I know I can’t gargle saltwater, but I thought I could try mind over matter. 

After that I couldn’t catch my breath for the rest of the night. I have had mild anxiety for years, but never to the extent that I couldn’t breath. It was scary and uncomfortable and all I could think about. I was awake till 3am that night. 

The next day was Carolee’s funeral, and I was going to speak on the healing power of the atonement, but I was still feeling so awful. I took my inhaler that morning, but that made me shaky and cold. Sitting in the chapel I really couldn’t breath. I had Matt come walk with me outside to try to calm down. I even had him read over my talk in case I couldn’t speak. I managed to speak, but it wasn’t my greatest showing. I love Carolee so much and I still kind of feel like I couldn’t properly grieve her because of how awful I was feeling. But then I also think she doesn’t want all of us grieving for her, so then I feel better. 

Anyway, since my dr checked my lungs and my oxygen saturation has always been good, I felt like maybe it was just really bad anxiety, I wasn’t sure what i was so anxious about, but since then I’ve been trying to be so calm and taking time to do calming activities like coloring, yoga, and walking. I set up an appt with our counselor and tried meditation, but I think mindfulness is more up my alley. I’ve learned a lot and am trying to keep the best parts in my life. 

So more long story long, after the funeral I got a telehealth appt and got an anti anxiety medicine. And then I slept till that 9 that night. Then I was up all night again struggling to breath and trying not to freak out. 

Matt and I talked and prayed and that next morning he took me to the ER. I had spent a lot of hours thinking and by that point I was pretty sure the problems breathing were because of my thyroid. That made me feel better to have it probably caused by something that was not just a weird unpredictable and unexplained Covid symptom. I do feel like the covid infection caused the nodules to grow exponentially though. I don’t have anything to base that off of, but that’s my theory.  It feels like I’m being strangled all the time. I went to the Er so they could run all the tests and I wouldn’t have to wait weeks and weeks, because I couldn’t really function. 

Since my dads 12 hour stint in the ER getting his monoclonal antibodies we had learned that the best time to go is first thing in the morning, so I got there at 6:30 and was seen immediately. I had a great doctor that ran every test and found everything looked good, except that my thyroid was enlarged, and also they couldn’t do an ultrasound because that’s not emergency medicine. She gave me a nice decongestant and sent me on my way armed with a ton of good info. 

The ER dr also referred me to a pulmonologist that is studying post covid shortness of breath. Initially they gave me an appt for several weeks out, but after I pressed she talked to the dr and I was able to be seen the next day. And she was so glad I already had X-rays and CT scans available. 

The followijg day I did a breath test, and then the next day my dad and I drove out to Waldorf to get my thyroid ultrasound, since everyone in the county was booked up. The pulmonologist even tried to pull some strings, but no luck. Another blessing from going to the ER and then the pulmonologist, is that the ultrasound people at the Bean building told me where I could find a clos’ish appt. 

It turns out I have 4 thyroid nodules - the largest one being 4cm (golf ball sized), then 2.7cm, 2.2cm, and .9cm. No wonder I can’t breath. 

I have been feeling much better, or probably just have gotten better at handling the breathing difficulties. I still feel like I’m being choked, and some days are better than others. Some nights I still struggle to sleep, but I am listening to my body and being gentle with myself. 

Tomorrow I’ll  have a fine needle aspiration biopsy of the 2 largest nodules.

There was one really terrible covid day. The babies were sad, I felt sick, everyone was on edge, and tired of being stuck inside. I went up to my room to cry and to pray and ask Heavenly Father why I couldn’t feel the many prayers being offered in our behalf. And then I started to. Just like that, I felt peace and comfort and love. I’m so grateful for a Heavenly Father who meets me exactly where I am, always. 

After the initial I can’t breath panic, I have come to feel calm and peaceful about this latest trial too. Having a needle stuck in my neck sounds awful, but I’m not anxious or scared about it. I’m ready to take care of this (hopefully just with meds) and move on with my newfound better care of self and gratitude for all of our blessings. 

The big fat covid post

I’ve put off writing about this for a long time, and I’m glad I did. I’ve gone through every emotion in the book and I didn’t want to write from a place of anger or blame. 

So. Lexi and boys met us in NY August 5. We went into the city and cuddled on babies and had a nice few days in NY. We left their house on the 9th. We stopped at a fun grocery store and met Alli at 6 Flags until we got rained out, and then like 4 happy ladies, plus a happy Lu and boys, we came home. 

We stayed in most of Tuesday. My dad took Lexi and girls to salsas for lunch, and I stayed home with napping boys. I texted with some friends about getting together that day, but I was feeling weird and discombobulated about covid, and not sure how comfortable I was spending time indoors with people. But that night we decided to get out of the house and go to RS at Tracie’s house. We brought masks and even as we were driving there we debated about wearing them. In the end I decided not to. There are so many emotions and opinions and I knew we’d be the only ones in masks. 

On Wednesday Sarah and kids, and then Erick came over. For youth that night I took Adi and Abby to the Wildwood pool and caught up with a friend in her car. On Thursday, Lexi had an appt to get her first covid vaccine. She waited because she is still breastfeeding and wanted to be safe, but felt like being here surrounded by family was probably the best time. She wasn’t feeling 100%, so they had her take a covid test instead. She continued to feel sick that day, and then I started feeling sick too. 

My dad came over everyday to spend time with Lexi and the boys. He brought dinner that night since Lu and I weren’t feeling well. By Friday I was feeling pretty terrible. I had a horrible headache and felt achey and cold/hot. Matt took me to get a covid test, and got one himself while we were at it. Alli came down from Baltimore that day and cut the girls hair. 

By Saturday lexi was feeling better, but that was a terrible day for me, and my dad had started feeling sick too. Laney came and “checked on me” while I was napping, and when I woke up to see what she was doing she told me how crazy it was that Lexi’s test was positive. I couldn’t believe it. After all this time, being so careful, so many scares and so many times quarantining, we finally got the covid. 

We immediately started texting and calling people to let them know. I let Tracie know and she informed everyone that had been at the activity. Matt let the youth leaders know since Adi had been at the youth activity. Lexi texted Erick and we let Amy and Alli and my dad know. Then I texted my friend who’s car I had spent time in, and she had started feeling sick too. It was such a fiasco and I felt so sick and emotional. 

That night Lexi realized she couldn’t smell, and I found that I could barely taste. Sunday was another awful day. My dad and i were super sick, the babies were both a little warm and with runny noses, and D spent the day on the couch with a headache too. We found out another friend from the RS activity tested positive. 

By Monday I was feeling a tiny bit better. We picked up papa, and everyone, including Emmett, got tested. By that day the boys and Laney were fine, but Adi had started to feel sick, and Frankie swore she couldn’t smell. I made chicken noodle soup and took some to my dads. That completely wore me out, but I was on the up and up from then. I found out my test from Friday was positive, but Matt’s was negative. My car friend had started feeling awful. She tested positive that day, then her husband and both kids. 

Everyday after that I felt a little bit better. I was still on the couch the better part of everyday, and couldn’t taste or smell anything, but I didn’t feel like death. Adi felt pretty miserable and Matt started to feel sick. Also another friend from RS’s husband had to be tested for work and he tested positive, and the rest of their gang started to feel sick. 

By Wednesday everyone’s test, including Matt’s rapid one, had come back positive, no surprise there. I was also able to get my dad into the ER for a monoclonal antibody treatment. I was anxious for him, but felt like with the vaccine and the treatment, we’d really done what we could. 

I had a lot of time to think about where we might have picked up our covid. Amy and her family in NY, all 5 tested negative, so statistically I’d say we had to have gotten it here, either at Salsa’s, or more likely at Tracie’s on Tuesday. Sarah and crew, and Erick, who were both in our home for many hours on Wednesday were all fine, and Erick actually tested negative. None of the other youth tested positive, and Alli was fine as well. It really doesn’t matter, but we tried to be so careful, and it makes me feel better to know the crazy covid outbreak didn’t originate with us.

Thankfully Matt never got too sick, he was able to work through the whole thing. Also thankfully my dad slowly started to feel better too. It has been a slow recovery for both of us, but I’m so thankful we’re both doing so well. 

The day lexi tested positive, the First Presidency of the church sent out a letter encouraging all members to get vaccinated and wear their masks. 

I was so sad that our special time with the boys was spent so sick that I couldn’t really enjoy them. I wanted to so bad, but I really felt too terrible. And it was so hot outside too, so Emmett was basically cooped up in the house. I’m still so bummed about it. Those were hard days with 2 busy babies. 

And unfortunately, humbling days. I wish being sick didn’t work so well to humble me because, like everyone, I really hate being sick.  But it does. It gives me such perspective and helps me to be so much more gentle and patient. I’m grateful that our family relationships grew stronger in our trial . And also that that emotional and awful week is behind us. 

I called the health department to find out which strain we had and they told me they only test randomly, but that every test they had in August was Delta, so I’m sure that’s what we had. 

The whole country had high transmission. 

From the end of June to the beginning of august, covid cases went up over 1000%.  1016% increase! We were wearing our masks, but things changed so quickly!

I wish that was the end of our covid saga, but dun, dun, dunnnnn, it’s not. But enough for now. And even though we should be safe for the next few months, we are masking, masking, masking. 

Where I’m from - by Adi

Where I'm from

I might be from the land of enchantment

And a small plateau town

Then to the forgotten land of Maryland

Whose crabs are its crown

I am also from peaches,

And fresh white-cut bread

And playing games with family

On our once-owned homestead

I am from the open books,

And handmade duct tape flowers

Our little valley between the houses

Where the sunlight shades and cowers

I am from long road trips,

And the thrown up funnel cake

These memories are simply unique,

But they are very easy to make 

I am from the new kayak rack,

Which we pretend is our home

And the awful Newtowne Neck

Where the kayaks are well-known

I am from hating things deeply

But I like some things too

For others, it may depend

But my course of action is true

I am from the things I like,

And the places I've been

I am from my family

And from the whats and the when

I ask a lot of questions,

That some people don't know

But it's where I'm from,

And I use the answers to grow

That's where I'm from.

All about D

Delaney’s teacher asked us to write her a letter all about delaney. I thought about it and wrote it over several days, so I wanted to save it here. 

Thanks for encouraging us to think about Delaney. We think she’s a pretty cool kid and it was fun to really focus on her for a bit. 

Delaney is so intelligent! We tease her that that she was speaking in full sentences at 2 and her favorite sentences always start with “actually…” she started reading at 4 and has been unstoppable ever since. She has always said “I love learning!” and she really does. It’s so fun to watch the wheels spinning in her head as she takes in new information. 

Because she’s so smart, she sometimes doesn’t have a lot of patience for those that don’t learn as quickly. This is something we’ve been working with her on for some time, especially with Frankie and her learning disabilities. She is getting better, but can always use gentle reminders. 

Delaney is the youngest of 5, our baby of the family, and she wears that title with pride. This is probably another reason that she can sometimes be not the most patient. 

In spite of her occasional lack of patience, Delaney is such a sweet girl. She feels deeply and wants to be a helper. We talk to her often about helping other students that might have struggles. She enjoys serving and being helpful. My dad moved to SMC to be closer to us and every time she sees him she gives him a big hug. She also does this for older people at church. She’s got a big heart! 

Delaney loves silly jokes and fun pranks. She saves her money to buy gag joke props and lives for April fools day. She loves hiding and shouting boo! anytime she can. She is a fun loving little lady. 

Delaney loves to be outside and active - bike riding, swimming, the beach, and the park. She is very social and loves making friends. She will talk anyone’s ear off and is never shy, unless it’s performing. 

Delaney’s perfect day would probably be spent at the beach, at 6 Flags, or just home watching movies and eating popcorn - we’re big into all of these things. We are a very close family, but our social girl also loves her friends deeply, so if we threw a few friends in the mix, she’d be in heaven. 

Delaney’s biggest fear would probably be heights and performing in front of a large crowd. I’m not sure when performing got to be an issue for her, because in pre-k she danced a solo for the school talent show, but she’s been developed a fear around that. 

Delaney has some anxieties that we talk about and work on. We are very open with her and encourage her to share her feelings and anxieties. She occasionally takes an herbal gummy (rescue remedy) to ease anxieties. 

Delaney is passionate about science! She loves STEM, minus the math. We are working with her on it. She loves science and learning how things grow and work together. She loves Marie Curie, and is also a huge feminist. She is also passionate about being a Christian, serving others, and trying each new day to be a little bit better than yesterday. 

We don’t really argue, but probably the biggest thing we work on with is her being messy and unorganized. She is very much a creative and that is very messy. We are also working with her on keeping her backpack and homework better organized, but the struggle is real!

Delaney is happy and smart and so very loved. We had a wonderful year home schooling last year and we miss her at home, but we’re so happy she is enjoying being at school. 

Summer words 2021

It’s been awhile and I’m just about ready to write about one of the most bananas end of summers ever. But first, a little stream of consciousness from all of us. 

Bounce house * Voila * River concerts * letters to soldiers * sonic * fire pits * 4th of July * Rays * Bay beaches * Girls camp * North Carolina * McCombs * s’mores * beach * sunrise * no masks * food * tide pools * seashells * marines * sunburns * Skull King * Georgia * whitewater * road trip * Army * Christian * hot * Six Flags * swimming * NY * cousins * dogs * trails * Italian ice * masks again * walking * souvenirs * Maine * camping * rain * Cadillac Mountain * Bar Harbor * lighthouses * lobster roll * Skippy’s dare * moving * Backyard Builds * happy birthday * playing * double decker * Lu and boys * Sleepy Hollow * NYC * home * Covid-19 * Virgin River * quarantine * back to school * Carolee *