Smilin’ Jack goes home

This is what I shared on social media. It’s tender, but it’s honest and it’s how I’m feeling. 

We lost my dad this week. He fought hard for a really long time and I'm so grateful he is at peace. My 5 siblings and I surrounded him with love, food, home movies, and all the jokes and laughter before he passed - it was a really good send off.

My dad served in the US military for over 20 years. Through his service in Vietnam he was exposed to Agent Orange, and that lead to the disease that took his life. My dad died a hero "who more than self their country loved."

A hospice nurse came right before my dad passed and gave us 4 things we could tell him to help him be ready to let go. I can't stop thinking about these words and that this is how I try to live my life. They were:

I love you

I forgive you

I forgive me and hope you forgive me 

It will be okay

My youngest brother played a song called Monster on the ukulele during one of our long nights caring for our dad. I love it. The song says:

Oh, before they turn off all the lights 

I won't read you your wrongs or your rights

The time has gone

I'll tell you goodnight, close the door 

Tell you "I love you" once more 

The time has gone, so here it is

I'm not your son, you're not my father 

We're just two grown men saying goodbye

No need to forgive, no need to forget 

I know your mistakes and you know

mine

And while you're sleeping, 

I'll try to make you proud

so daddy won't you just close your eyes?

Don't be afraid, it's my turn 

To chase the monsters away

Oh, well I'll read a story to you 

Only difference is this one is true

The time has gone

I folded your clothes on the chair 

I hope you sleep well, don't be scared 

The time has gone, so here it is

Sleep a lifetime

Yes and breathe a last word

You can feel my hand on your own 

I will be the last one so I’ll leave a light on

Let there be no darkness in your heart 

I miss my dad already, but I know how the story ends. I know I will see him again. I know he's not really gone.

Also for what it's worth, orphanhood - 0/10 recommend.