I’m struggling to want to talk or write publicly about my dad’s passing. I’ve written everything in my journal in real time and it was beautiful and peaceful and hard and painful. Anyway, we’ll just start where I left off.
The home projects continue and it is very satisfying checking things off our list. We tried with so many different people to hire someone to replace our egress window with no luck. I had found one company, but they were so far away that after our initial estimate they added $1000. It would have been $2000 but they gave us a $1000 discount because they gave me a quote and knew our address and then changed it. Anyway, we decided that was crazy, and after talking to them, Matt called around and found a new well and we decided to get started ourselves. We borrowed the Ely’s trailer and Matt picked it up and off we went on another project.
While Matt was doing that I spent the day sanding and painting for my game closet project. It was actually a really great way to spend the day before I headed back up to NY. I was able to be productive and quiet and it was just right for how I was feeling.
The girls were able to go to the temple that night and that was also just right. Grateful they all wanted to go and they had the opportunity.
Before Alli and I left Thursday morning I moved all my shelves downstairs so they could fully dry while I was gone.
So pretty. So satisfying.
Alli and I took off late morning and stopped by the Whitney Housten travel center. This isn’t on the route I usually take so I didn’t even know it was there, so that was fun to see.
We got to the party house and Darcie and Steve had arrived the day before. Darcie is my dad’s little sister. She was adopted from Vietnam when my dad, who was the youngest, was 10 years old. She stole being the baby of the family from him and he never let her forget it. It was nice to have them there.
Frey was already there too and then Tom arrived that night. And when 5 kids are there you’ve got to get pictures. First we fix the hat - the iconic hat.
These guys drive me crazy sometimes but I am so grateful for them.
I’m really really proud of the way we encircled and protected and cared for and loved both of our parents as they spent their final days on this earth. We sent them off in the best way possible and I’m so grateful for that tender mercy.
Silliness disbanded.
I knew I wanted lots of pictures so I tried hard to remember to get out my phone.
So many tender moments.
Dad’s care changed everyday, sometimes multiple times a day as his lungs filled more and more with fluid. Hospice is beautiful but also wild that they let people with zero medical knowledge care for a dying person that actually often needs a lot of care. Frey actually is a nurse so that was a comfort, but there were lots of times, including overnights, where we were alone with dad and having to make on the fly medical decisions.
We had several scares and we talked about when to gather everyone for the last goodbyes. We actually gathered several times that first day or two, thinking it might be the end.
And in true Smilin’ Jack fashion, it wasn’t all tender and beautiful, it was also pretty hilarious a lot of the time. Sometimes when he woke up he was totally with it and he was being so funny! Also family movies, we laughed and laughed.
There were a few missteps as we figured out medication. We wanted to give him enough that he was never in any pain and not too much so that we accidentally hurt him.
He was so sleepy but tried his best to stay up and chat and just enjoy being with everyone.
Alli and I were nervous to stay with him overnight by ourselves, so the first night I stayed half the night with Tom and went to bed at 1:30 when Alli took over with Tom, and then the second night Alli and I slept in the bed in his room.
I was all like, oh, we’re being adorable, ok!
I wrote in my journal every day in real time and asked everyone to share what he was saying and their experiences. He was seeing spirits but not recognizing them and he kept talking about catching a train. There were several other things that helped us know that the veil was so thin and he was really close, but not quite ready yet.
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