Death is Nothing At All

❤️

Tom stayed with dad Saturday night and I woke up early so I relieved him and sent him to bed. The sun coming up was beautiful. 

Being in a bed or a chair all the time is uncomfortable so we helped him move back and forth several times a day. One of those times he needed a rest and Amy somehow got stuck holding his head up. He very helpfully helped her hold his head and we all got a good laugh. 

We took advantage of having Darcie and Steve there and got in a beautiful morning walk. This was Sunday, the day our dad passed away, and I was grateful we had started it well with exercise and sunshine. 

We were really glad Darcie and Steve could come spend time with us, and also we kind of wanted some time just the siblings with our dad. So that day sandy took them out shopping and sightseeing and we got to be just us. It was a special day. 

We had heard a rattle in his chest and breathing, and since the hospice nurse had called to check in we went ahead and had him come out.

These pictures are so precious to me because of the things our dad saw and said that day. The veil was so thin and we knew he was almost ready. 

A few hours after this picture Amy and I were sitting on the other bed and Frey and Tom were sitting on the other side of our dad. The hospice nurse gave us a lot of good guidance, but one of the things we disregarded was to limit the people in his room. He said sometimes people will wait to pass until loved ones have left. Anyway, I wanted to be close and/or touching my dad the whole time, but had gotten uncomfortable leaning over and since he was asleep I gave myself permission to sit on the bed. We were all watching a show and I was kind of keeping an eye on my dad. I looked at him and stood up and said he wasn’t breathing. Frey checked his pulse and it was still there, but his chest still hadn’t moved, so Frey got his stethoscope and just like that, he was gone. He actually did wait until we’d given him a little space. It was so quiet and peaceful. It made me think so much of the Death is Nothing At All poem. It was so fast, like nothing. 

We stayed with him until the funeral home came and then we knew no sleep was to be had so we stayed together till around 2. Alli was being a loud sleeper, so I ended up in my dads room for the few hours of sleep I got that night. I could say a thousand things, but I won’t. I’m just really sad that he’s gone. I miss him.