on your due date

seems like years ago i read a blog post written to a 4th baby and it touched me.
 or course, i can't find it, and can't remember really anything that it said, except reassurances of love and the desire for that baby.

(at least that's what i took from it.)

  

at my surprise baby shower lunch (post to come) on monday, my friend sarah said that they wanted to celebrate my baby because like i always say, "every baby deserves to be celebrated." i've been thinking about that all week. i guess i didn't realize i said that so much, but i fully believe it's true. and this little 5th baby of ours was.
and is being celebrated. 

 

 

so as another due date has come, some thoughts for my 5th child.

 

 

i want her to know that she is so loved. that she was, and is wanted. that she was (and is, and always will be!) prayed for. that i know our family won't be complete until she's here. and that she holds a special, special place in my heart.

 

 

i've been thinking a lot about birth these last few weeks. emotions are high. that can be a good and a bad thing. i've always been an emotional person, i feel really high highs and really low lows. i think as i've gotten older i've learned that the low lows don't last, and i've gotten better about not letting them affect me as much. but i do love my high highs. looking back at two silly little girls all strapped into their carseats, both with winter caps on their heads (crooked and backwards for frankie) and mittens on their little fingers, just because they found them before we left the house and had to wear them, that brought me to tears of gratitude. like, full on fuh-fuhs. watching christian play basketball and my heart about to burst because they played so hard and didn't give up. looking at my lexi, my first born, and the beautiful young lady she's grown up to be, and thinking of that little baby i held in my arms so many years ago. emotions are high.

 

 

i feel so close to heaven, does that make sense? like, we are so close to bringing this little spirit, straight from heaven into our world. straight from God's arms. and i've been wondering if that contributes to all of these emotions. like my natural man can't fully understand or come to terms with the miracle of being so close to heaven. so close to God in creating this life. or maybe i can more than i think, and that's the emotions. living in this world but having such close contact to heaven.

 

 

sadly, my aunt (my mom's younger sister) recently passed away after her second battle with cancer. That's had me thinking about the whole circle of life. and how a loved one passing away is very similar to a birth, in being so close to heaven. it can be a very spiritual and very emotional experience spending a persons last days with them. and being so close to them as they go back to God's arms.

 

 

maybe these are just the ramblings of a very pregnant lady.
a very grateful, very pregnant lady.
whatever it is, these are my thoughts on your due date, sweet 5th baby of mine.

and for you to hurry on down here, i can't wait to hold you.