Veterans Day with our veterans

My dad is one tough old soldier. He’s been in pain and struggling for so long and he is still challenging himself and wanting to do things on his own. Seeing my strong dad having to ask for help even to stand is so hard, so I loved seeing him push himself. We are all kind of regretting having him spend so much time in rehab because it wasn’t the best experience, but I do think it made him stronger. And we’ve done the best we can with the information we’ve had. 

We had to come home Monday so anytime my dad was awake and with it, I invited the girls to come visit and get pictures. 

Sandy calls him dad too, so she’s definitely earned the daughter title! And Shirley is Shirley. 🤷‍♀️

Joe didn’t rent a car so we convinced him to take dad’s car and leave it at the hotel, which meant we needed to go pick it up. Sandy encouraged us to take her convertible, and who are we to argue? We could get used to this. 

After we picked the car up I was able to enjoy Matt who was super enjoying the ride.  

Our girls have such a sweet relationship with my dad. I’m really grateful for the time he spent living here. 

Delaney came and read him the card she made him and shared an apple snack. 

Delaney was having so much fun running around with cousins and their neighbors, but we always have time for papa. 

We made sure to prep our dad with appropriate anxiety meds before we had to say goodbye, and we left when the hospice team came so there were other visitors and that went a lot better than when Joe left. Also, I’m going back this week and the crew is going back for thanksgiving, so hopefully everyone will be seeing him soon. 

Outside hi jinx. 

I was with my dad pretty much the whole time we were there, so the girls were really on their own and everyone was so good. 

We left NY via the George Washington Bridge, which we hate to do but it was supposed to be an hour faster than the other way. I got Matt out of the city and then crashed hard and slept a good hour. Adi NJ freeway drove for an hour and then I took over. Milkshake break!

We grabbed chicfila for dinner and from before the Bay Bridge till we got home we had the best talk with the girls. We love debriefing after trips but Matt doesn’t usually join in, and this time he did and it just went really well. The girls have lots of ideas and opinions and also questions. Everyday they face really hard things and they were very vulnerable and open and Matt and I did more listening than talking and shared stories and not lectures and it was just a lovely sweet family time. 

We got home at 8:30 and got everything unloaded and got straight to bed. We. Were. Tired. 

Today we did seminary and Quentin spent the night because he had an early flag ceremony at smeco, so I got him where he needed to be. I had a ministering appt with Erin but then the rest of the day I have napped and read and have been very gentle with myself. It was a hard weekend and Amy said it was a hard day today and I think that’s what we’re looking at for the next little while. And then after everything there will be all the flood of emotions and I’m just gearing up. It was nice to have a day off today and then tomorrow I’ll shop and prep my family for me being gone and it will be fine. We’ve got this. 

Days and nights

Amy took the first night shift with dad and he woke up a lot, but got more sleep than at the hospital for sure. Amy knows more of what she’s doing than I do and she’s been a really great caregiver. She gave our dad a pedicure while I gave moral support. 

The full circle, children taking care of their parents. ❤️

Dogs are social creatures and these guys want to be where ever Sandy is. There were several times throughout the day that they were left out in the cold harsh world while we spent time with dad. 

The prescriptions were a bit of a mess and the boys hadn’t been able to pick up 2 of the needed prescriptions and then we found another one the hospital had prescribed that we didn’t have. We called one cvs, then the VA, then the hospital and then sandy and I headed out to try to pick everything up. We had some additional issues because we were picking up a narcotic, so to kill time Sandy treated me to an authentic New York egg sandwich. I really love Sandy. She’s easy to talk to, fun to spend time with, and she’s taken such good care of our dad. She loves him like her own and I’m so grateful. 

Cute little NY eatery. 

We took her convertible and she let me listen to 90’s country which we sang at the top of our lungs as she drove fast and we got rid of some of our stress. We had to wear our driving gloves to fully be gross bougie sports car people. 🤣

Whenever dad was awake and calm id try to have one of the girls come chat with him a bit. Delaney showed him all the pictures she’s taken on the camera he gave her. She loves photography. 

Matt was so so wonderful. We have been in a good patch for awhile now, but seeing the way he’s loving and caring for my dad, I feel like the grinch and my heart just grew two sizes. He helped my dad shower, helped in the bathroom, took apart and fixed his sleep number bed, and spent hours helping Max figure out his 3d printer. He’s a keeper. Matt tried to get a pic of Delaney and Max with the printer but Max ducked at the last minute. Classic teen photo dodge. 

Amy had leftover candy from a Halloween party they hosted so she set up this adorable candy bar. The kids went crazy. 

The first 3, all 70’s babies. Joe was born in ‘73, Amy in ‘75, and me in ‘78. 

Joe left Sunday night and that was hard. Everyone got a little teary, especially when my dad called out “I love you!” several times. He was, understandably upset after that and we came up with a plan better anxiety plan for next time we have any changes or goodbyes. 

Since dad is sleeping in the chair, the nighttime carer gets the nice sleep number bed. I was on tap for Sunday night, but then we had a scare so Matt decided to stay with me. It was pretty brutal. My sweet dad is so uncomfortable and also taking a diuretic so he’s up a lot for the bathroom. I held his hand and rubbed his back and just prayed that he feels so loved and at peace. 

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

That title really sums it up. Life is so beautiful and I believe the afterlife is too, but also the transition can be really hard, for those going and staying. 

We arrived Friday late afternoon and dropped the girls and our stuff at Amy’s. Amy and I headed to the hospital and sandy and Matt held down the fort and got pizza for everybody. So happy to spend time with my dad!

Hospice was bringing supplies Saturday, so in the morning Matt was gonna head to the hospital and I was helping Amy organize and unpack some of dads things, but then he called and really wanted me to go to the hospital too. I was always planning on it, I just went earlier than my plan. And I was so tired. I’m not sleeping well, so when he napped I tried to nap. And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling kids (nurses). This blissful almost sleep lasted about 10 minutes.  

And then we were up and visiting. 

He’s most comfortable sitting up, so it takes awhile to prop all his pillows and get his position just right. It’s hard to see him so uncomfortable. He’s been going through this for so long. 

Saturday was crazy day. Since we just went through this with my mom and I know I won’t remember things, I’m writing details and taking all the pictures. 

We had hoped to bring him home on hospice on Saturday, but then the hospice company couldn’t come till Monday, so that’s what we thought was happening. Then Saturday afternoon a Dr came in and we were chatting and she asked when we’d like to take him home, and I was like, asap, and she was like ok let’s do it. She said she’d write the rx’s for his comfort meds and they could arrange transport with an ambulance and as long as we were confident in our abilities to care for him before the hospice crew came, that we could take him. Yay!

Then the care coordinator burst our bubble and said she probably couldn’t get an ambulance till Sunday. Then a few hours later she said she’d found one that would come at 5. Yay again! 

Change is hard when you already have a lot going on and my dad was getting very anxious throughout the afternoon as things were changing. He didn’t sleep the rest of the day and was just antsy and uncomfortable. 

Joe arrived from Texas and Matt stayed all day too, so it was nice to have 3 of us to keep dad company. 

So 5:00 o’clock came and went, and no transfer. At 6:20 his nurse said they’d just heard from the ambulance and they were running 2 hours late. I was like, ok, no big deal, it’s already been an hour and 20 minutes, so they should be here in 40 minutes and she was all, no, 2 hours from now. Whomp whomp. 

So 8:20 rolls around and still nothing. With everything going on, I was at the nurses station frequently throughout the day, so once again, there I was. They called the ambulance and they said it would be *another* 60-90 minutes! 

We had talked about the possibility of transferring him ourselves, but the care coordinator and Dr felt like it would be easier and better to take the ambulance, but I wasn’t sure the ambulance was ever really gonna come. 

We conferred again (20th time for the day) and decided we were ready to break him out and we could handle it. 

They came in to remove his line and asked if they could teach some of the nurses with less experience, so everyone piled in and it was a real party. 

My view from the bed. He knew several of these nurses, and more importantly, they knew him and put him at ease. 

Then the fun began. Matt and Joe went to pick up his prescriptions, more on that to come, and Amy came with her oxygen tank and minivan and we were off. I was with my mom for her last ride and now (maybe?) my dad. 

Amy and I helped him up the outside steps and then he was beat. He hadn’t slept, his anxiety was through the roof, and he’d just exerted himself a ton. 

We gave him 30 minutes to relax, and then Matt and Joe were straight up hero firemen and fireman carried him up two sets of 8 steps! My dad has lost a lot of weight, but he’s retaining a ton of fluid in his legs, so he is not light! It was super impressive and we were all super grateful when we situated dad comfortably in his room. 

It was such a long day and so annoying that we stayed at the hospital an extra 10 hours and ended up doing the thing we’d talked about doing in the first place - bringing him home on our own. Admittedly, there were a few times I wasn’t sure we were doing the right thing, but it worked out. 

The kids were so good. Sandy fed them lunch and then Amy gave them each $20 and Kristi took them to the mall and let them loose. Adi got some laneige lip stuff (she’s obsessed), Frankie got a sweatshirt, and Lanes got a bunch of little things from 5 Below. And they all had a great day. Adi fell asleep on the couch and since we’re in comfort mode for everyone, we let her stay there for the night. 

This is hecka long, so I’ll end at Saturday night. The best of times is all of us rallying and doing hard things because we love our dad and the worst of times is that we have to already. 

From 15 years to life

On Wednesday I was able to meet up with Manuela, Susanne, and Kelly Ward to talk about our Relief Society service project that will be next Saturday. Kelly is awesome and I’m so excited to build more connections with her and her Mission Center. 

Since I was already there, I went for a run on Solomons and it was beautiful and it felt so good to move my body and be outside. And also, this weather has been lovely and also yikes. What is going on?

Last night Matt and I were able to join with his company to celebrate his 15 years with them. 

They hold this event once a year and they celebrate the 5, 10, 15, 20, and one 30 year employee. 

Far left white suit coat and white hair is the owner of the company and he came and shook Matt’s hand. They say really kind things about each employee and it’s a really nice night. 

It was held at The Lighthouse on Solomons Island which is one of my favorite places in southern Maryland. 

Earlier in the day I met with Manuela and a manager of a big food pantry. We’re working to establish relationships and meet people in our community. There are so many people doing so much good, it was good for my soul. 

My dad is not doing well and we’re hoping to bring him home to Amy’s house on hospice this weekend. I wish we had answers and knew what was going to happen, (and actually that this wasn’t happening at all) but we don’t, so the 6 of us kids are left scrambling a bit. We decided we’ll all come together next weekend, but that still left my crew with a long weekend this weekend. Matt and I talked and decided to cancel all our plans and head up. So this morning Matt taught seminary, Frankie had a dental appointment and Matt went to the Dr. and by 10am we were on the road. 

We love our dad and papa and this is hard. It feels like we just did this with our mom and I can’t imagine no longer having either parent alive. It hurts my heart. And also life is beautiful and I’m so grateful we have this time together and the peace the gospel brings.  

Election days

I got to go to our ward for this first time in like a month on Sunday. Frankie and I grabbed a quick pic on our way in. 

I helped out in the nursery and it was crazy and busy and fun. Delaney just looks so grown up lately. 

Have I mentioned my Sunday dinner plan? We started a rotation - Matt, Adi, Frankie, and Lanes. First rotation went swimmingly. Delaney rounded us out and she made fried rice. She texted Sarah for her recipe and we had some snafu’s, but she didn’t and it was really good. And I didn’t have to come up with the idea or do any of the work. S’wonderful. 

Monday morning was our first seminary brekkie. Matt wanted to do something once a quarter, and I’m sustaining my hubby. I got up early and made bacon, waffles, pancakes, and eggs and we had fruit and juice. The kids were all grateful and it was a nice morning. 

We had Tuesday off for Election Day, and after many ideas we landed on the mall and a movie. Not the most creative, but still good. Adi drove us there and back. 

In honor of Election Day i dug through my old pictures. This was 2012 and this gang made quite a ruckus at the polls. A sweet lady offered to take a picture for me to commemorate Delaney’s first election and I’m so glad I have this shot. 

It was somehow just me and Adi in 2014. 

By 2016 I was flying solo. 

Then 2020 when I started requesting mail in ballots. 

Proud voters in 2022. 

And finally, 2024. 

Adi did a photo shoot for me and then the girls chose this pic for me to share. 👇🏻 I preferred this one 👆🏼, but I went with the girls. 

Anytime the girls do a photo shoot there’s almost always a shot of me flinging my hair over my shoulder, which every time I see I’m like, ewww, why do i do that? 😆

Anyway, mall fun. 

That night we went to Maddie’s softball game. Frankie made brownies to share and it was nice to support one of the girls and the hang out with Leisa.