Rainbow Ellie Sparkles stayed a long time this year. She finally flew home on the 12th day of Christmas, after spending time napping with each of us. This is one of my favorite elf moves. 

Speaking of favorites. 😍

On Tuesday Matt and i drove up to Baltimore in the afternoon and we saw a sign to watch for funeral traffic delays, and then tons, just miles and miles of police cars and motorcycles and fire trucks. A few weeks ago a female Baltimore police officer was killed, and Tuesday was her funeral. 

We ended up passing right by the church holding her service, so we had a great view of all of her escorts. 

It was really neat to see how many fellow officers and first responders came out to pay their respects. She had 4 children and it’s just so sad. Praying for her family and so glad she was so honored. 

Grandpa Ray came out to help Matt while I had surgery. It’s the first time we’ve seen him in almost exactly 2 years. His flight was initially supposed to arrive on the 6th, but then was postponed to the 8th, and then finally, the 11th. It ended up working really perfectly with my appt time at Johns Hopkins. Matt drove us up and waited for me outside since no one else is allowed into the hospital, then we were able to pick grandpa up at BWI just a few minutes after he had grabbed his bags. We had a delicious dinner at Cheddar’s, where I used to work, and I got 3 old favorites - spinach dip, chicken Caesar pasta salad, and a fried monte cristo. 

The rest of the week was spent prepping for surgery. I made a huge pot of potato soup for dinner and to freeze for recovery. Sandy got me this pretty pot for Christmas, so I had to send her a pic. 

Delaney came home from school early on Monday with a tummy ache, and then ended up staying home on Tuesday. Then Frankie came home early Wednesday. I know they are worried about me and anxious about the unknowns of a hospital stay and not being able to visit. I’m never opposed to days off, so I was fine with them missing a few days. Hopefully we don’t have a repeat for next time surgery is scheduled. Which hasn’t happened, bytheway. 

This precious almost one year old got his first haircut. He was not impressed, but he also didn’t fight it. 

He has another tooth coming in too he’s had a little fever. Sweet baby boy. 

After haircut celebrating at 5 Guys. Emmi always gets confused when Lexi and I talk on the phone (as opposed to FaceTime) and he always tries to show me things. Last time he kept saying “mimi! I’m right here!” 😂

I don’t like old syrup smell on kids, so I never really offered them a lot of syrup when they were little and now they do things like this. 🤷‍♀️ I take full responsibility. 

Delaney got her second Tinker Crate and promptly shut herself in her room and built it. It’s a movie box, or something like that. I love that she gets so into these. She’s a way better builder than I am!

Sandy was appalled by our awful pans when she came to visit, so she sent us some nonstick ones. Our eggs will never be the same!

And today d got to play dominos with both of her grandpas. What a unique and lucky experience for her. Ahem, I ended up winning the game, so that made it even more memorable. 

Tonight Frankie and I went to jiu jitsu and then target. Then she and grandpa played some duets. He’s taking piano and is very beginner, so the girls have been having fun sharing their knowledge with him. 

We had a full week of school, minus the sad tummy days, so that felt like a lot, especially after several snow days and late  starts last week. I volunteered at the school and made a bunch of rsp phone calls. I had hoped to visit wards in person, but phone calls aren’t terrible. Adi did one school presentation and will do another one next week. Frankie worked her at tutoring and making up some missing assignments, and Delaney was able to come see me at Maker Space, and then had Hayden come play tonight. Her birthday is 2 weeks from tomorrow and she is excited. And now we have a 3 day weekend with absolutely nothing to do. Oh the possibilities. 

The hardest part

Today has gone very differently than I had planned. I should be showering with antibacterial soap with no lotion right now. I should be washing my hair with shampoo for the first time in years. I should be hydrating and eating dessert so I can fast after midnight. I should be preparing for surgery tomorrow. 

Instead I got a call this morning that my surgeon had a family emergency and needed to cancel all surgeries for tomorrow. I had my shoes on, I was ready to hit Target for nurse treats and antibacterial soap, (who has antibac soap with no lotion, especially in the winter?). I was so disappointed. 

I set this appointment with Dr. Chen back in October, after my biopsy results were benign. I was still very unsure what I would ultimately do, but I made the appointment as a space holder since they were scheduling so far out. Dr. Chen made me feel very comfortable. He was knowledgeable and patient and didn’t pressure me at all. He explained everything and gave me all my options. 

He recommended a total thyroidectomy since I have large nodules on both sides and in the middle of my thyroid. (they’re everywhere 😩) The nodules, on top my thyroid being swollen after having Covid, compress my trachea and have made it difficult to breath. He explained that the biopsy tested 3 areas of 2 different nodules, but they were still quite large, and there could be cancer on a different area. If I chose not to have my thyroid removed, he recommends ultrasounds every 6 months to keep an eye on the size of the nodules, and very possibly more biopsies. He gave me my options and sent me to an endocrinologist. 

Dr. Alameer was wonderful too. She thought it was funny that I’d been to so many doctors about a thyroid issue, and had not come to a thyroid doctor yet. I thought it was weird too. 🤷‍♀️ She asked how I felt about surgery and I told her that I would love to avoid surgery but I also was still having trouble breathing. 

She told me about an experimental (in the US, not in Europe or Asia) treatment called radio frequency ablation. She didn’t know a ton about it, but knew there was only one dr at Johns Hopkins that performed them. She suggested I get a virtual appt first to see if I was even a candidate. 

I had that virtual appt, but even though I let them know I was interested in RFA, I did not get the one and only dr that performs RFA. I got a very nice dr that gave me very similar info to what Dr. Chen had told me. She also gave me the name of the dr that does RFA. I made an appt with him, and the earliest he had was January 11. 

So on Tuesday Matt dropped me off at Johns Hopkins. Dr. Russell was so great. He asked me all about my family, where I was from, told me he knew some Rays in AZ, but we determined I did not know them. Then he told me he grew up in AZ and UT. I just knew he was a member of the church, so I asked. He was like “yes! I was trying to get you to go there when you said you had 5 kids, but you went all the way around.” And then we were like besties and made plans to meet at the temple open house. He also told me that Michelle Ray is about the most Mormon name ever. Who knew? 

All of my doctors have been so wonderful. Really just an embarrassment of riches, each one is better than the last. Dr. Russel did an ultrasound and said my two 2cm nodules are like a nodule sandwich, like 1 large one ate the other. 🤷‍♀️ He also said the tiniest nodule is probably the one giving me the most breathing trouble because it’s right on my windpipe. He said he could probably treat them with RFA and I would probably have relief, but because it’s “experimental,” it’s not covered by insurance and it’s $5500. I had been leaning towards surgery for awhile, and the added cost made me lean even further. 

I have been praying, pondering, fasting, gotten blessings, and counseling with many people about what to do for months. I love this body I was blessed with. I haven’t always loved her and I haven’t always been very nice to her, but I’m learning. And I really want to take care of her and do what’s best. I want to make the right decision, I just keep waiting for Heavenly Father to tell me what that is. 

So Tuesday night I spent time praying, journaling, and reading the Book of Mormon. Even though I really liked Dr. Russell, I just feel like surgery is the better option for me. As much as I hate the idea of taking medicine forever. 

I haven’t had any huge and definite “this is the right thing!” feelings and I really want one. Just little nudges along the way. Maybe the answer is that either option would be ok. When Sam and Matt gave me a blessing we talked about how that’s often the answer. All along, since that horribly anxious first weekend I have felt peaceful. Like whatever happens is in the Lords hand and I trust Him and have faith in Him. And it will be ok. And I still feel that. I keep thinking of the young women song of my youth “I walk by Faith.” 

So even though this last minute cancellation was frustrating and left me wondering if maybe I’d gotten the answer wrong, I still feel peace and I still do walk by faith. 

I love this from Elder Bednar:

“Taking action is the exercise of faith. The children of Israel are carrying the ark of the covenant. They come to the River Jordan. The promise is they will cross over on dry land. When does the water part? When their feet are wet. They walk into the river—act. Power follows—the water parts.

We oftentimes believe, “I’m going to have this perfect understanding, and then I’m going to transform that into what I do.” I would suggest that we have enough to get started. We have a sense of the right direction. Faith is a principle—the principle—of action and of power. True faith is focused in and on the Lord Jesus Christ and always leads to action.”

I feel like my feet are wet. I actually feel like I’m in up to my knees, but I tend towards drama. I’ve done the work and am taking action. I was disappointed this morning. I really just wanted to crawl back into bed and wallow, but I trust in the Lord and hopefully i am learning what He’d have me to learn through this trial. 

I’ve had all the ideas today and gone over all the scenarios. Twice. Dr Chen’s office says hopefully I’ll be sable to get back in for surgery the week of the 24th. I also tried Dr. Russel to see when he could schedule me for a thyroidectomy and they’re scheduling in April. Both hospitals also said with Covid numbers out of control the hospitals could put a hold on all non-essential surgeries. Or they could call next week and fit me in. For now we really kind of have no plan. Just standing here with my feet wet, ready to go where God tells me to go. Tom Petty was right, sometimes the waiting really is the hardest part. 

German Christmas Village

Alli invited us up the the Christmas Village in Baltimore, so on our first Monday of Christmas break we met up with papa and piled into the Space car and headed up. 

Adi and Laney rode the Ferris wheel. 

Frankie was hoping to ice skate but unfortunately we weren’t able to make that work. 

It was a cold cold day!

Especially in the shade. 

We walked all around the shops and bought some Turkish towels I’d been eyeing for awhile. We got some German lunch items - bratwurst, Pom frites, and a raclette sandwich. I wanted it to be so good, but it was only just sub par. 

After the market we played at the park and walked up Federal Hill right by the harbor. 

I’ve always wanted to check it out. 

My dad remembered a picture I had taken just a few years ago, so he had me pose with the nutcracker again. My hair has always been a mess. 

😍

Federal Hill Park. 

My dad had a little friendly dropping on his shoulder, but he was a good sport about it. 

Alli and i walked to bring the car around and Delaney decided to roll down the hill. I probs wouldn’t have let her, so I guess she saw her chance and took it. 

We spent some time at Alli’s house waiting out the traffic and had a lovely day all around. 

And a bonus shot. Adi melted some crayons into silicone heart molds, but when she took it out of the oven they spilled. She worked on it a little at a time until I finally told her I needed my oven again. Matt figured out how to remove the door and they worked diligently to clean all the wax. It smelled off for one or two baked, but after that has been fine.  And she learned a valuable lesson about silicone baking. 😂 

Snowy week

Now that I’ve caught up on our fun Christmas break, on to this week. 

Tuesday was another nice snow day, but we spent the day inside. After our busy break, I was ok with that. 

We ventured out in our cars twice all week, first to go to the dentist and orthodontist on Tuesday. Delaney’s expander came out (again), but thankfully we were able to get her an appt at the same time as Frankie’s ortho. Matt dropped Frankie and I off at the Wildwood shopping center and then took D to her appt. Franks and I perused some of the stores there till it was time for her appt. She’ll get her bottom braces next month!

Matt and d weren’t finished yet, so we wandered towards Ulta and Belk, but both were randomly closed. We’d already been to the other stores, and it was super cold, so we settled for cheesy fries from Outback. Score. 

As I was de-Christmassing I found two wrapped gifts that I’d forgotten about. D opened hers before school on Wednesday. We had a late start and that was amazing. 

And Frankie opened hers after. They got garbage cans! Fun, right? But they had been asking for them and I’m all about practical gifts. 

Frankie and I have been pretty good about tutoring. She just started book 7, and there are 10 books, so we’re on the tail end. I used my mini tutoring pencil every chance I had over break and everyone laughed at me, so I had to share that mini pencil had recorded its last skull king score and then threw it away. 

On the 6th I made my first King Cake from scratch. I didn’t realize my recipe made 2, but it worked out because I wanted to take one to our neighbors that had sent us a delicious tres leches cake and we still had their cake container. This was the pretty one, ours wasn’t as pretty, but was very tasty. 

Covid is bananas again. Or still? This is twice that our family has relaxed our Covid standards and then a new variant comes along and cases skyrocket. Thankfully Omicron’s symptoms aren’t too bad, but it’s very contagious. All of our area hospitals have sent these messages out asking people to be safe, avoid the ER if you can, and don’t call an ambulance unless it’s a real emergency. I saw on our health dept website that there are no available beds at our hospital and they said ER wait times have been as long as 24 hours. I read an article the other day about healthcare workers taking their own lives due to the strain this never ending pandemic has put on them, and having to watch people die day after day. It can feel so sad and hard and heavy. Thankfully we have vaccines and other new ways to treat Covid, including a pill that seems promising. 

On Thursday night Elizabeth, Grace, and I met with the stake presidency to talk about plans for the stake going forward with the latest Covid surge. Navigating through Covid, in addition to everything else that goes into running a stake is a lot, and I an so grateful for, and pray for our wonderful stake presidency. After a lot of thought, prayer, and counseling, they decided to cancel 2nd hour meetings for the rest of the month. Then they will leave to bishops and branch presidents to decide about activities. For me, if we can alleviate the strain for a little while longer, Omicron is supposed to burn itself out soon, and then I’m praying all the prayers that we can still have our temple open house. I know the adversary will do everything he can to prevent the miracles that the open house will bring to our area, and we’re so close! We were going to have some area wide broadcasts where everyone was supposed to meet together to watch them, and our area presidency cancelled those too, so we are following their lead. 

And now back to King Cake. (Going in order of my pics and screenshots sometimes makes for a discombobulated read) Adi found the baby the next day, so good luck for her. She deserves it. She continues to be such a sweet and wonderful girl. She’s a people pleaser, which I don’t always love, but it does make it easy to parent her. She never needs much correction and she’s so kind and thoughtful. I love watching her grow up. 

On Friday Frankie got to go back to ju jitsu and we signed her up and got her gee. She likes it a lot. 

She can’t wait to wear this bad boy to class!

Emily Freeman is sharing a prayer everyday for 2022 and I love it. This one especially resonated with me. It’s so easy to be blinded, but I always want to be able to see what Heavenly Father wants me to see, even if it’s hard to admit I’ve been wrong. 

Yesterday we took the crew to see Sing 2 (so cute!) and then Adi begged to go the the Lexington park library. Delaney had worn her pj’s to the movies, and subsequently the library.

Then we enjoyed some Panda Express for lunch before we finished de-Christmassing the house together. We sent this to bubba before he headed to his first post basic training army training. 

I love when Christmas decor goes up and I love when it comes down. One of my favorites is my Christmas cards. I love having them in the kitchen where I get to see them all day. And the way that even before we have lots of cards, the ribbons make the cabinets look like presents. So fun and festive. We’re getting back on our old habit of saving our cards and picking one each week to pray for that family. I don’t know when we stopped doing that, but that’s a tradition that I love, and it’s back for 2022. 

We have 12:00 church this year. I had hoped to go to the Calvert and Bayside wards today, but with Covid surging and no second hour that didn’t happen. Going to church with my family has become special to me now that I don’t do it every week, so that was nice too. 

Now to balance meetings, of which we have many, and family study time. It gets tricky when different family members are anxiously engaged in different organizations and meetings. Even with all the meetings, we love the sabbath day. 

Hop on DC

I was going to take the Finlayson’s to the airport at 5, but Lexi came to my room at 4:30 to tell me Emmett was sick and struggling to breath. I already wrote about Cade taking Emmi to Children’s. We tried to get back to sleep, but I just ended up showering and getting ready for the day. 

Quinnie turned 10 that day. We had picked up cupcakes for her and surprised her with them as a wake up call. 

Cade sent their progress at Children’s. Precious boy. 💕

After I got ready I held Carter while Lexi got herself ready and tried to call the airline. 

He’s got super kissable cheekies and is such a sweet little guy. 

After what felt like forever (big groups move so slow!) we finally walked back over to Safeway for brekkie food, and then Arlington cemetery to catch our hop on/hop off bus. It was a little chilly up too, but not bad. 

Our first stop to as the Capitol. Cade offered to stay back with the sleeping boys so Lexi could spend the day with us. He’s such a good daddy, and it was fun to spend the day with Lu. 

Alli had texted to see how things were going, so I sent her this pic of Lex and said “look who’s still here!”

Sandy the Juris Doctor wanted to see the Supreme Court. 

The birthday girl, complete with crown and birthday sash. 

These two. They think they put up with a lot being married to bestie sisters. They’re so lucky. 😉 

It really is an impressive building. 

This was after we got in trouble for standing on the column bases. Oopsie. 

Bam. 

My fav. 

7 attorneys ready for litigation. 

The Christmas tree!

We met a grumpy grumpy hop on driver, but we were still having fun. 

The tour was interesting, even if it was sparse on info. 

Some of the troops started losing steam, so we got off near the White House and walked to the Cheesecake Factory where there was an hour and a half wait, even at 2:30. 🤷‍♀️ We tried to make a reservation, but they don’t take them for large parties. Thankfully we only ended up waiting about 30 minutes, and we played Heads Up while we waited; so it was fine. Then the real wait began. Dun, dun, duuunnnnn. We waited an hour and a half for our food. And then they brought it to us 2 plates at a time. And then poor Frankie didn’t get her food till we were almost done with our cheesecakes. Thankfully they were apologetic and ended up comping half our food. It was wild. And then, because our food took so long, we ended up missing the last bus back to Arlington. Whomp whomp.

We walked through the White House Christmas tree farm and then Lexi took the kids back to the hotel in an Uber and the grownups were going to walk. We got as far as the Lincoln Memorial and then Amy’s heel spur started acting up so we got a taxi. 

We finished loading up our cars, kissed babies and Cade and Lexi goodbye, and headed home. And even in spite of the little disappointments, it was still a great day.